Be Your Own CHEERLEADER!!

cheer

Note: I wrote this article last summer! I think it was a good one and definitely worth a repeat! Hope you enjoy!

 

Sometimes the lessons we need to learn in life have to be painful- it is like we will not get it through our thick heads (MY THICK HEAD) unless it causes some sort of pain, anger, frustration! Recognizing that we are in the midst of a lesson sure makes it a lot easier to get through! Of course on the flip side of that is- if we do not recognize it as a lesson, well that makes the pain all the worse!!

In the past I have had a hard time with validation from loved ones; friends and family alike. And I know a lot of you out there experience this same type of problem. It took me years to let it all go and realize I do not need validation from anyone but God. And for you who are non-believers, you still only need validation for YOU by YOU…right? At least this is the way I see it- because unless we see it this way we are always going to be expecting things we will not necessarily get!

Not all of us are fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who actually can get out of their own little bubble long enough to truly encourage, support, or even notice what is happening in our lives. AND WE CAN’T LET THAT DEFINE US! Because IF WE DO then WE are defined by frustration, anger, sadness, feeling devalued, feelings of “not being enough”…..all of that! That  type of stinkin thinking will get us nowhere in life!
Our feelings may be justified, but we need to let it go anyway! It is not serving US and it certainly will not allow us to serve anyone else!
So let it go my dears! Let it go!
It is funny….my theme words for 2015 (vision board) are Courage and Faith….seems it should have had a theme phrase… I seem to be saying “let it go” a lot this year!!

2015 the year of “letting it ALL go!” That which does not serve ME, or HIM, will not serve others! And that is my goal! To serve others……

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A Reason for Everything!

validatedWe know everything happens for a reason. Yet it is nice to get validation once in a while.  That is what happened to me the other day…validation!

I’ve been working on editing my current writing project, my editor told me to add a few more personal experiences to it.  Lately though I’ve hit a bit of a brick wall with this assignment! And I could not figure out why. I just knew that I had a terrible block! I let days pass without really digging in and doing the necessary work.  1 week passed and then another. Until the other day when I received a call from someone completely out of the blue.  This particular person has always represented frustration in my life. Never does it go well with this person and this person always has an agenda as well as a very bitter and stinging tongue.  I could not fathom why I was hearing from this person now; it had been a long time and there was no reason for it.

Regardless of the why, I dealt with the situation ( and yes it was as unreasonable a situation as ever) and then after it was over it occurred to me this was the perfect example to add to my project.  This person who has caused unbelievable turmoil in my life and the lives of my family had no grip on my life any longer!  Due to my growth (spiritual growth…which is the subject of my editing project) this person no longer had any control! I would not allow it!

So not only did I have validation for my spiritual progress but I had what I needed for my project!  See this was the reason I had a mental block! I was waiting for this to unfold! There is always a reason for everything. And everyone serves a purpose!

A little Co-dependent rant…..

Co-DEpEndEnCY

Co-dependents dislike disorder!  And they dislike anyone, who they see, as being the cause of disorder in their life. I say “they see” meaning others may not see it the same way…..it doesn’t matter; it is how they see it and that is what matters.  Co-dependency is after all about the co-dependent person, although you might think it is about the person with whom they are co-dependent. It is but not really. Co-dependency shows up in all aspects…..personal, work, social…..not just with a spouse or child. And the common denominator is the co-dependent person. It really is about them.

I have always thought co-dependency was more about say….a spouse, or boyfriend, maybe a child; but truly it is the way a person is with every situation and every person in their life. Even the way they are at work; and it destroys relationships….it breeds mistrust. Being a co-dependent person takes away the one thing that will create a good sense of trust in a relationship…..free will.  The act of co-dependency does not allow others any freedom to be themselves!  A co-dependent takes away another persons free will!

And the co-dependent person is a tired person! Show me a co-dependent and I will show you a person who is carrying the burdens of the world on their shoulders! By choice! They do not need to! As a matter of fact those in their life usually wish they wouldn’t!  We have to allow others to carry their own weight! We should not do for others that which they are capable to do for themselves!

A co-dependent always knows what is best for others. Their way is the best and correct way. They believe by doing things their way (the correct way) there will be a sense of order in their life and the life of others…..even though their life is anything but orderly. But of course…that is because you will not do things their way.  🙂

Co-dependents do for others because this gives their life validation.  AND Co-dependents do not make good listeners! As much as a co-dependent is all about helping “fix” others they DO NOT LISTEN!  How can you truly help anyone if you are always waiting your turn to tell someone why you think you can change their life or what they are doing wrong and how you can fix it? etc…..

Co-dependent tendencies can be changed……with recognition, acceptance, and willingness to do so. (I know there are extenuating circumstances at times…so please do not get upset that I am making a blanket statement; I’m not.) But generally speaking we can start making changes right away if we want to!

So what can we do to help ourselves? First of all learn to love ourselves! We need to love who we are enough to know that we are capable of letting go of control of others……learn to let others make their own decisions and mistakes!

We need to learn to recognize in ourselves the things we can change and want to change.  And the desire to do so is huge on the list of how to create change! We must have the desire to change and we can!  Evaluate our life…..take inventory of our relationships…..all of them…personal, social, work, and see if there is drama…or is it a productive, mutually satisfying, relationship that includes trust? And if it’s not; do we always blame others for the problems?  These could be clues to the fact that we have a problem with communicating….that is a start.

Start with the baby step of loving yourself enough to take an honest look at your relationships.  Start there!  I did this hard work a few years ago….and I’m not gonna lie; it may be hard! But it is so worth it! Once you see what you do to others, once you see it from their viewpoint, and you take this look from a place of love……it is much easier to make the changes!

There is so much we could talk about on this subject….wow… I guess that is because we all can be a little co-dependent at times. I think it is about the way we handle it, when we see ourselves doing it, that matters!

And don’t be so hard on yourself! Habits are hard to break! You got to get those neurons firing off in different directions…build new patterns….it takes time, but it is possible and maybe it wont take as long as you may think! So do it!