Grief Has No Rules

grief has no rules


I can remember when I was going through a difficult time, it was definitely a period of grief, one day I received a message from a well-meaning friend. She explained to me that what I was doing was not good and that I should really consider stopping. She was referring to the fact that I was publicly posting (albeit without naming names or specifics) on this, my blog, about my pain.  In the first post I made during this period I acknowledged that my family would probably hate at that moment that I am a writer. I use writing as a way to get my emotions out, it is a vehicle for me to get to a better place. I know I am not the only writer that does this, it is a very therapeutic process.  And I was not going to stop. I told her so and we had a back and forth on the subject and then we didn’t. I tried my best to be accepting of her advice, and I loved her for loving me enough to reach out.

I want to say here, before I get started on my thoughts, this in no way is a reflection on the person who reached out to me. I use that story as an example of my experience. And that is all. She is a beautiful person and very caring. Just because we do not agree with how to approach this topic, that does not mean it is a reflection on her. It is a reflection of my opinions on the subject. That is all. I love that we all have differing opinions; it gives me something to talk about!

Having said that I want to say that grief has no rules, and grief comes for many reasons. When we lose a person through a loss of trust through the loss of a relationship, this too is a loss that we will grieve for. While it is not the same as a death, it is a loss none the less, that will be grieved.

Now if we acknowledge that this is a grief that needs to be moved through I do not think it is right for anyone to tell another how to grieve or for how long. Now there is a caveat to that in so much as if a loved one is staying in grief for such a long period that it is destroying the quality of their life or the life of others, it is probably proper to give a nudge. But when we nudge we certainly should not approach the person by telling them what they are doing is wrong. We need to empathize with them as best we can. Put ourselves in their shoes and treat them as we would want to be treated in the same situation. And be patient. In my opinion we need to approach the subject in a careful way.

The grieving process for a loss of a relationship versus a death will be very different. We are all smart enough to recognize this difference so I need not go into detail. But we do need to respect that the person going through the loss of the relationship is grieving and we need to give them time and if we feel they are doing things that may hurt them in the long run we need to realize that they are not us.  We are all responsible for our own actions.  Maybe offer the suggestion that they may regret their actions but then let it go. Do not use too many words, let the truth sink in on its own accord. In my opinion that will work far better than trying to persuade someone in grief that what they are doing is hurtful.

And that is my thought for the day! ❤  <———- my thought…my opinion….   ❤



Big Change!

I have changed photo: You Have the Power black-2-1-1-1.jpg

We all have the power to change!  If you have changed, if you know you are not the person you once were, I know you are probably frustrated at times because others may not see the changes.

Here is the thing,,,,,,

We can not take back who we were, nor can we remove the memories others have of us. But we can change. We do change. Nothing anybody says will change that fact! Given time we can prove ourselves, but the trouble is, and this is where patience comes in, we need to understand that human nature does not allow others to see us as we are; but only as we were…at least for a while. It takes time.

Just keep on keeping on!  You know who you are and you know the past is just that…the past.  Let others deal with their junk…and if your past is part of their present junk; then so be it! Let it go…let it go….. LOL

Be who you ARE not who you were..…and have faith that one day the world will see you for who you are!