Love, Pain, Fear

lovefearpain
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ~ 1John 4:18

To love means to experience fear and pain. They go hand in hand, don’t they? Years ago I took a course in spiritual growth; the curriculum I studied included something about “detachment” – healthy detachment. At the time I did not understand what that meant; in fact I couldn’t fathom any kind of detachment when it came to my loved ones, my husband, parents, and children. To me this idea seemed love-less.

I remember reading how to detach. It said to remove fear and pain from your life (with regards to loved ones) you needed to learn to detach from the outcome, detach from them in a sense. I could not understand that, to me this seemed an impossible thing to do! It took me a few years before I began to understand what the course was actually teaching, and yes I have a pattern of learning things, especially of a spiritual nature, it can take a while for something to click. It’s all in the journey!

Do You Trust God?
I think my big AHA moment came when I thought about giving my children’s lives over to God. I had dedicated my children to God when they were little and over the years, even as adults, I continued to let God know that they were in His hands. But I am not sure I meant it, or understood it. One day I thought about it and like a light bulb going off it dawned on me that I had never really given them over to Him, I said it but I didn’t mean it, at least not fully. Because I still had a fear of losing them, I always had that fear. I realized if I had truly given them over to God I would not fear what is happening with them; I would trust in Him. And that goes for all relationships. If I trust God to take care of these people and the relationships (in life and death) then I will no longer fear for them. And it stands to reason a lot of pain would be removed from my life as well.
I had not thought about it before. But once I did think about it I realized I couldn’t get to this place (of no fear- just love) without detachment. That is when I revisited the detachment theory.

Respect For Free Will
It took me a long time to be able to understand how much love it takes to get to a place where I could let go with love, in love. To have a healthy detachment.
I think when I heard the word detachment I thought of a void of love or emotions, but that is not it at all. It is in the greatest love that I am able to detach so that I can allow others to express themselves and live a life of free will…their free will.
Today I understand the detachment concept and I have given my family and all loved ones over to God. I respect their free will. I don’t think I could if I didn’t understand healthy detachment.
Although….having said this, every once in a while it sneaks up on me, my old ways sneak up to create fear and pain, an ache that I can feel deep within, and it scares me. But when you love from a pure place, a place of detachment, then there is no fear. No fear of loss. You understand by living in this very unselfish way, you are allowing all your loved ones to live a life where you have respect for their free will, and you encourage them to live in this way. And to live their best life! So when my old ways sneak up on me, I just remind myself that to be detached in a healthy way is pure love and the best I can offer my loved ones! They get my love, support, and encouragement without all the baggage that can go along with it!

It is truly a great place to be. Getting there takes time, staying there takes time………staying there 100 % may not be a reality for a human being. We as humans will always have our ups and downs. it is in the return to unselfish unconditional love that we find our place and our peace.

***Disclaimer- In my opinion there are many levels of detachment. I think I have been clear what level I am referring to. It is a tool I use in which to allow others to be themselves, to live their lives without my interference (brought on by fear) and still love, unconditionally and fully! I strive to detach from the outcome and from the fear and anger that can be associated with relationships.

**I originally wrote this in March of this year. **

Learn To Love Thyself!

images love

Forgiveness comes from a place of Love NOT anger. The act of forgiveness replaces anger with love, unconditional love. If we don’t do the work the anger remains, even if its buried! It will resurface at some point! This means….we never really forgave in the first place!

Love for yourself will give you the strength you need to forgive others! You need to love yourself enough to not want the pain of un-forgiveness shadowing your life! Learn To Love Thyself!

Fake it Till WE Make it!

gratitude

 

 

Gratitude is not something that I experienced much in my early life. If you think that A) I have always been a grateful happy person or B) that I just popped out of bed one day and was grateful……well you would sort of be right on point B, with the exception that I had to fake it till I made it! What am I saying?

While it is true I didn’t just pop out of bed grateful one day, after some serious crisis of faith, I did pop out of bed one day and start practicing gratitude. And I did decide to have a  fake it till you make it attitude, which I began with in 2007. And it is also true that after awhile that attitude changed into a true gratitude that has not left me since.  I have had my ups and downs, we all do, but even in my most dark moments, I have stayed grateful. I have been tested by friends and loved ones alike, as well as from a business sense, and what the testing showed me is the gratitude stuck.  Because of the gratitude that I began incorporating into my life 9 years ago, I have been able to overcome significant challenges in my life like never before.

I have history that I am able to hold up for comparison to who I am today. Because of this I am able, with confidence, to say I am not the same person I was and I owe that to God and gratitude.

I have had people in my life that tried to cause me to fail, some knew what they were doing, while others were just pawns being used by the Universe to keep me growing. I am grateful for all my challenges and for all of the people who have come into my life; good and bad.  As a matter of fact, I do not even like to refer to the situations (or people) as bad;they were not ideal situations and the people involved , I now know, were not meant to remain in my life. And that is OKAY! All of my life situations I am grateful for and I wouldn’t change a thing. All of this growth has made me into who I am today and that is someone I am extremely happy with.

So rather than say I have had bad experiences with people, I want to take a moment and say that all those who are in my past, I love you all for what you brought to my life at the time. I know you were there for a reason, some of those reasons are now apparent and some I may not know until I meet God and can ask…..but I have faith and gratitude that you were in my life for a reason. I love you all.  And I offer my sincere apology if I have ever made anyone feel less than the wonderful person they are. I know when we go through things we are not always our best. And it has taken me years to get to a place where I am able to go through a challenge and remain true to the unconditional love giver that I seek to be. Although I do have to acknowledge that there are some in our life that will always see our relationship with them as bad. There is nothing more we can do to help others see things in a grateful or loving way- all we can do is lead by example and be responsible for our feelings and thoughts- if you say you have no ill will towards another but they insist you do; let it go. They will need to go through it on their own.

We can only do our best and as long as we strive to be better today than yesterday- all will be well.  And so it is that I pray for all of us that we will be better today than yesterday! And that we will be grateful for the opportunity to do so!