Spiritual Awakening

This is a blog post from 2012. I write about this life event in my upcoming book – The Gratitude Project. I was reading it and decided to share! 

Have you had your spiritual awakening?

Mine began in 2007 with a huge “aha” moment in August! But that was just the beginning. I think we all have huge moments which we can look back upon that have helped to define who we are or have become. That moment in August of 2007 was mine. I will never forget it.  To make a long story short…I was in a miserable place over 1000 miles away from my family ( except for my husband and oldest son) my life consisted of going to work and coming home. That was it! I had no happiness, I had no purpose. I was not even aware of the fact that there was a problem until God moved me 1000 miles away from my family! I guess that is the literal meaning of not being able to see the trees for the forest? Or is it forest for the trees? You get my point! ( this is one thing that apparently will never change about me, my unintentional but ever-present mixing and misquoting of metaphors!)  Anyway, it took being very far away from my family and totally miserable to have my aha moment, which led to my spiritual awakening! It was a song that I heard over and over again playing in my car whenever I would drive to work, but I wasn’t really hearing it….after about a week of this happening, all of a sudden I heard the words to the song….It was like the radio just turned up and I heard the words

” Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me ”

“And I didn’t even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me”

and by the time they got to

“Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God”

I was broken and saved all in the same moment!

I heard God speaking to me and He was telling me to go back home to Indiana!  He told me, in no uncertain terms, that not only did I not belong there in Florida, but that there was a lot of work to be done at home. So I went to our condo and told my husband that God said “it is time to go home to Indiana.” And we did. I quit my job 2 weeks later and 2 months after that we were back home and the real journey began!

And has yet to stop or even slow down……..

I love my life!~ C.F.Martin

Christmas Memories

I am such a selfish person! I always had a dream of how life would be once my children grew up and had kids. It was just the four of us when they were growing up; so I (probably way more than they) had a deep attachment to them. See the selfishness comes in because I want my kids with me for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day . I want us all together when we wake up on Christmas Day. 

Well that’s not realistic. I get that. 

So I settled for early Christmas Day and then I get them all day. Well that doesn’t work either.  

So I settled for noon thru the day so we could open presents and eat without rush. Well that didn’t work. 

So now I take what I can get. And I AM grateful for whatever that is!! It is usually after 1 or 2 until early evening. And that is good. 

But the selfish part of me mourned the loss. The loss of what was and what could have been. 

The loss of my dreams. 

I have my memories AND those are some precious Christmas memories. I was blessed to have way more time than I could have hoped for because my daughter and her family lived with us for many Christmas’ !! 

So now I look at it as if God gave me more than most and regardless of whether I ever have it like that or like my dream again…. I have memories. 

And now it’s time for me to stop fighting it and move into the new phase of my life. Our life. Being away these last two weeks (at Christmas) helped me to understand this. It’s time for me to embrace the changes. 

That is what my writing career and my location move are all about. Embrace the changes. Be open to all God has in store for me/us. And I AM. It’s in His hands and always has been. It’s just about time that I truly let go and allow the blessings to flow- even if those blessings do not resemble my dream 

They are still blessings. Heaped upon me in abundance that I will not turn my back on ❤️

Today You Start Living!

I came to this realization late in life but coming to it is all that matters.  The funny thing is it has come in shifts; this realization. I will know it is true one day and then a week later I get sucked up in the guilt game. Yeah that’s my thing- guilt. I learned not to do the blame thing a while ago and that lesson has stuck! 

But being a parent is a guilt ridden job, heck having family in general can mean relationships fraught with guilt. So yes what I am saying is “guilt” in relationships is my “issue”.  Having said that I can tell you if you keep at the lesson, the practicing of the lesson, it gets easier and easier. I’m sure the other areas of my life that I am working on, and have been for years, help to support my continued growth in this area. 

What I have come to realize is this doesn’t happen overnight and the key is not to give up. We must be consistent and persevere!  We will have set backs and we will have times when we feel like nothing has changed; but I promise you, eventually it will get easier and it becomes freeing and it will become blissful. 

So here is to our eventual bliss- may we get closer and closer with every new day! I love you!