To carry around the anger of un-forgiveness is a hard thing to do. It weighs us down and causes more problems than most people know.
It’s a funny thing, we carry around our anger as a badge of honor, but really it is a badge, or sign, that says victim! The first time someone told me that my “grudge” was just making me a victim, that made me sort of angry! I can remember the professor telling me that each time I remembered the injustice, or was prevented from progressing in life due to the blocks this injustice had created in my life, that I was allowing myself to be a victim. I took great offense to the word “victim” and it took me many a day until I could revisit the discussion without being angry about it.
In time I came to realize that the professor was correct. Much to my dismay I had used my past hurts and pains as crutches and allowed them to be blocks standing in the way of my future.
Once I was open to the thought, purging of my anger and pain did not take long and truly was not hard place to get to! I actually got to a place where the forgiveness was so easy, because I didn’t want it in my life any longer! It became so much easier to forgive the person, mostly because I viewed the un-forgiveness (by the way-completely in my control) as a poison in my life! Once you actually believe that- how fast do you think you will let it go?!? Trust me- lightening fast!
Our past does not serve us nor does it define us!
I’ve thought a lot lately about what it is that may be holding me back from realizing my dreams. You all know I have begun to realize lately that I am not going “deep” enough in my writing. So I wonder- what is it? What is stopping me?
You know me I am always looking for ways to better serve myself and others. I know forgiveness is key to blocks, and I have acknowledged those who have hurt me in any way. I have forgiven each one that I can remember and just for good measure I offer up forgiveness to anyone I may have forgotten. And I ask for forgiveness from those who I have wronged in any way.
So I am left wondering….what else is there to forgive? I can’t help but feel like I have forgotten something! And you know what? I have forgotten something….ME! I need to forgive me! I believe we are the last ones to receive our own forgiveness and sometimes we never do forgive ourselves! Forgiveness for our-self is the stumbling block left untouched, forgotten, yet as strong as if we were conscious of its presence! Self-love is of such significance I can’t believe I would forget that to love yourself you must forgive yourself.
So I am going to forgive myself for anything and everything I have ever done! I am a new person today; a person worthy of my unconditional love. Even if I have to remind myself of this everyday, I will get it down deep inside where it counts and knock down those walls!