As a young adult I can remember hearing about a “void” that people have within themselves, a void that they would try to fill with love, sex,hate,drugs,alcohol….. many, many, earthly, or of the flesh, types of emotions and activities. As an adult I came to realize that this “void” could be filled with something other than the aforementioned items. This realization did not happen overnight. And this realization went through many phases as I became more enlightened on the subject.
I can remember discovering that if I chose to have a relationship with God that I could fill that void. I can remember thinking that I had discovered the great secret of a good life…that I had arrived, so to speak….. that the rest of my life would be a piece of cake, at least in respect to being on the right track to filling the “void”.
And it remained that way for at least 5 years.
There came a day though, a day when I crashed and burned. I guess it really was not so much a crash and burn as it was very subtle, it crept up on me. Over time I became disillusioned and had many questions…..questions that I thought I already had the answers to! Yes it was a rude awakening when I realized that I really did not have it all figured out and that my “walk” was not so much a walk as it was a slow crawl. But…it was an awakening none the less! And that is a good thing.
I went away and tried to “find” myself and my faith once again.
Let me stop here to clarify, please do not misunderstand me….I never entirely lost my faith, I was just not sure I had it all right or better yet, I realized I was not as in touch with God as I thought I was. And I really had it going on! Or so I thought. Boy…in any given week you could find me at church no less than 3 times and I spent a good portion of the rest of the week doing something that had to do with my church. I was very immersed. If it was not studying and learning it was helping with events……we spent a lot, or most, of our week at church. In my case, and this may not apply to anyone but me, I was confusing my relationship and faith with social commitments/activities. I really thought I was in touch. Imagine how I felt when I realized that the VOID was still there! It might have taken a number of years for it to show its face again, but there it was!
So as I said, I went away to find myself. And I did. I wrote about it in 2010 and again a few months ago, you can read it here.
Finding myself is not something that happened overnight either and truthfully I guess I am still on my journey and may be as long as I draw breath into my lungs. I enjoy my journey and I enjoy sharing with others. Through my journey I have come to realize that the void that is within us, the one that we try to fill with superficial things or with bad relationships or quite frankly …….with all relationships …….that void really is all about God, I had that part right! HE is the only one who can fill the void! But it is not only about going to church and being faithful….that is not all there is to it! If we make it about that….. then I feel we will, at times, continue to crash and burn…whether subtly or HARD! We will slip and fall down that slop from time to time because we are not embracing what it is that God has given to us; the gift. We are not living our purpose. We are not truly serving others. We are not living from a place of love towards others. We may think we are……
God has given us all a gift and it is our job to find it and embrace it! Live from a place of love…live from a place of knowing that God has given you the power to be all that you can be! And to share that with others! I know this can be a hard task to accomplish but my point is that as long as we are trying and we continue to try…..as long as we are aware!! Isn’t that better than not?