Still Working on 5 and 11!

spiritualquotes2How many of us can say we have gained full awakening? Congratulations if that describes you!! That is awesome!   Me? No!  Although I think I have done well and have grown tremendously in the last 8 years; I still have growth to do and that is as it should be! I want to continue to grow, once I reach full awakening I know there will be times when I slip and that is what I will work on next! Always growing, always learning! After all none of us are perfect, we are only human! 😉

Back to the list, it is a good list, I have mastered almost all of these “symptoms.”  The symptoms I am still working on are #5 and #11. Rather than number each so called symptom I will just say that I have lost interest in the other more conflicting “symptoms” and am happier in my life because of it.  And the symptoms involving spontaneous smiling or appreciation have become deeply engrained in who I am!  I am happy to say that! To reach 5 and 11 will take more time, but I am happily working on it!  Of course fear and self-judging is last to be mastered; it is easier for me, and most others, to be kind and patient with people besides ourselves.

It has taken some time and some work to get here, but I enjoyed the ride and I look forward to continuing growth towards a fuller awakening!  Don’t get me wrong, I understand that not all people, probably not most, want to reach this type of awakening (and some may feel this is an impossible goal) and that is OK. We are all on different paths in this life, and that is good and right. I understand that most of us who walk this path of awakening do so with the knowledge that to be this way 100% of the time is not realistic!  But we strive to reach the goal and that is what matters. If I can be this person who lives a life filled with these attributes, even 80% of the time, then I consider the goal met!  But that is my goal……

Of course this is only my take on things and it works well for me, I guess it may work well for others too.


Filling The Void

As a young adult I can remember hearing about a “void” that people have within themselves, a void that they would try to fill with love, sex,hate,drugs,alcohol….. many, many, earthly, or of the flesh, types of emotions and activities.  As an adult I came to realize that this “void” could be filled with something other than the aforementioned items.  This realization did not happen overnight. And this realization went through many phases as I became more enlightened on the subject.

I can remember discovering that if I chose to have a relationship with God that I could fill that void.  I can remember thinking that I had discovered the great secret of a good life…that I had arrived, so to speak….. that the rest of my life would be a piece of cake, at least in respect to being on the right track to filling the “void”.

And it remained that way for at least 5 years.

There came a day though, a day when I crashed and burned. I guess it really was not so much a crash and burn as it was very subtle, it crept up on me.  Over time I became disillusioned and had many questions…..questions that I thought I already had the answers to! Yes it was a rude awakening when I realized that I really did not have it all figured out and that my “walk” was not so much a walk as it was a slow crawl. But…it was an awakening none the less! And that is a good thing.

I went away and tried to “find” myself and my faith once again.

Let me stop here to clarify, please do not misunderstand me….I never entirely lost my faith, I was just not sure I had it all right or better yet, I realized I was not as in touch with God as I thought I was.  And I really had it going on! Or so I thought.  Boy…in any given week you could find me at church no less than 3 times and I spent a good portion of the rest of the week doing something that had to do with my church. I was very immersed.  If it was not studying and learning it was helping with events……we spent a lot, or most, of our week at church. In my case, and this may not apply to anyone but me, I was confusing my relationship and faith with social commitments/activities.  I really thought I was in touch.  Imagine how I felt when I realized that the VOID was still there! It might have taken a number of years for it to show its face again, but there it was!

So as I said, I went away to find myself. And I did. I wrote about it in 2010 and again a few months ago, you can read it here.

Finding myself is not something that happened overnight either and truthfully I guess I am still on my journey and may be as long as I draw breath into my lungs.  I enjoy my journey and I enjoy sharing with others.  Through my journey I have come to realize that the void that is within us, the one that we try to fill with superficial things or with bad relationships or quite frankly …….with all relationships …….that void really is all about God, I had that part right! HE is the only one who can fill the void!  But it is not only about going to church and being faithful….that is not all there is to it!  If we make it about that….. then I feel we will, at times, continue to crash and burn…whether subtly or HARD!  We will slip and fall down that slop from time to time because we are not embracing what it is that God has given to us; the gift. We are not living our purpose. We are not truly serving others.  We are not living from a place of love towards others. We may think we are……

God has given us all a gift and it is our job to find it and embrace it! Live from a place of love…live from a place of knowing that God has given you the power to be all that you can be! And to share that with others! I know this can be a hard task to accomplish but my point is that as long as we are trying and we continue to try… long as we are aware!!  Isn’t that better than not?

Do I have Low Self-Esteem ?

How do you start your day? I have read many different posts around the web on how people start their days. Start it with Gratitude is the most popular I think. That is how I start my day. I have practiced the art of  “Awakening to Gratitude” ( my term…I don’t know..I like it!)  for the last 4 years and yes, it has made a huge difference in my life! To start your day with a word of thanks and gratitude sets a tone that you just can’t have if you fall out of bed and stub your toe! LOL

I have also heard a few different people talk about waking up and writing 50 things you love about yourself. This is to help you learn to love yourself! IF you need to learn to love yourself! The most recent person I heard speaking on this subject is  Rev. Temple Hayes. I watched a video today in which she was talking about self-esteem and how to achieve it….. if you are not born with it. ( I think maybe I was born with it and lost it somewhere along the way) She talked about waking up and writing 50 things that you love about yourself.

As I said this is not the first time I have heard this, I am sure it will not be the last. I have never practiced this as I have been very satisfied with my morning of gratitude practice! But it occurs to me that I could be in danger of living in a pretty big rut!  So I think I’m going to give this a shot.

Rev. Hayes pointed out that in the beginning you may only have a few things to say about yourself…. only a few love words (OK, again…my term not hers! Sorry).  And that is OK!  Continue to practice this every day and eventually you will find you have a whole bunch of things you love about yourself!  I don’t know how many I will have! Presumably the lower your esteem the fewer the words you will have.  If you are curious how many words, or sentences even, that I come up with on how to express the  love I have for myself…..   then come back tomorrow or “subscribe” to my blog. I will post the results!

I also think it will be interesting to see if I can wake up and do this without my words of gratitude first. Although I doubt the rule is that I can’t be grateful first!

Peace and Love~ Christine