Your Reaction Matters….

Defeats are part of our human experience

Whether we want to admit it or not. It is just a part of life. They may be small or big, but they are usually present at times. And they seem to pop up mostly when we are really on to something big. They can be looked at as of they are tests, how bad do we really want this? Whether test or just life; it is how we respond/react to these times in our lives that matters.

 

React or Respond?

Are you a reactor, or a responder? It matters. I can remember when I most definitely was a reactor! And it showed all over my face and in my body language. It was very difficult for me to hide my feelings in the midst of situations. And truth is, while I am mostly a responder these days, there are times I still have a hard time controlling my body language. I am working on that!
If we learn to be a responder our life is easier, even when we are showing, by our face, that we would love to react in a negative way to the situation, the fact that we don’t makes the situation better, for us and for the other people involved. Learning this self-control is huge! It is a great change in your life and will affect you for sure but it will affect those around you too! And it helps to get us through the defeats in our life if we learn this lesson now!

 

Start now, and know there will be slips!

Where to start to make t his change?

All you can do is start now. Dive in! If you want it you will have it! If you truly believe being a responder is the better way to live your life, then just jump in. I know if you want it bad enough you will make it happen. Yes there will be times, especially  in the beginning, when you will fail, that is okay! Remember defeats yes but not defeated!  All we can do is do our best. And knowing that we will always have another chance to get it right is motivation enough to keep trying!  So this is what you do…… starting now when you feel yourself reacting in a negative or judgmental way to a situation, and you don’t want to, then stop and take a breath, take a step away. Yes it really is that simple. Here is the thing- you will have a lot of times, more often than not, in the beginning, when you remember after the fact to be a responder and not a reactor. That is okay! It is growth!

You are going to have many times, even after you learn to take a breath and not react, when you will have to remind your face what the plan is!! But that is okay! Keep at it!

 

You are taking on a very noble cause!

Making this change in your life will indeed help your life to be easier. But the affect it will have on others is probably so profound that I think you are a hero for doing this! Taking on the challenge to make this change in your life, something that will have an impact on the lives of others……you are amazing! Considerate! I love that you care enough to want to do this.

 

Don’t give up!

Just keep moving forward and one day you will be on the other side, seeing the fruits of your labors! Good for you! And remember…..tomorrow is another day full of opportunities to do better! To become a responder not a reactor and to make sure your defeats

never defeat you!

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My Friends Are Priceless!

friendsgreatI am blessed to have friends that are priceless…and they are not only priceless to me, my friends are the type of people who are priceless to so many people! My friends are in great demand…because I surround myself with only the best! I accept that my friends have time issues….that is OK! That is the price I am willing to pay for the type of friends I have.  The qualities I find in those who surround me are integrity, compassion, grace, love, patience, loyalty, forgiveness, and kindness.  Who wouldn’t consider these people priceless?!

I love when I see someone I have not seen in a while and we can laugh so hard at our great memories! And I love (equally) when I see that one friend that I see all the time! She is like a sister to me and we are very comfortable together.  I knew someday God would surround me with the great people I deserve in my life! HE never disappoints, sometimes we feel HE can be slow ( to our liking anyway) but all in His time is a true statement…all in His time!

And I must remember that the hardships I have overcome, the betrayals I have experienced over the years have not been for nothing! How else would I recognize the true treasures that I have in my friends today unless I saw what a non-friend looked like?  See…it all works out for the best! It always does! Just be patient and you will see.

I love ME Enough!

forgiven

Forgiveness is such a great word…and action. If only we can get there. I know it is subjective; everyone has a story, one that is so different from mine, yet so similar. No one person is better, or more deserving, of forgiveness than the next. Yet….for some of us, we feel as though we will never get there!  Will we? Will we ever really truly forgive?

Yes…emphatically yes!  I truly believe in the possibility of forgiveness and the power of forgiveness!  I know it can take time, and I know at first we are lost as to how we will ever get there!  But get there we will! It takes time, it takes perseverance, and it takes love! And it takes a desire to do so.

I think the biggest mistake we make is in believing it can, or should, happen quicker than is possible! We put way too much pressure on ourselves to forgive because that is what Jesus would do, or that is what God would want, or…whatever. And I think that we forget to forgive the right person. What do I mean by that? I think in some cases (many) we are so hurt by whatever it is that created this need for forgiveness; that we forget to forgive ourselves. Yes even in cases where we were wronged we probably still need to forgive ourselves (keep reading!!)….even if the forgiveness may seem misplaced because we really have nothing to need forgiveness for! Are you following me? Sometimes we are wronged (say by assault) yet, even though the other person is obviously in the wrong; I mean a victim is and never should be blamed for violent acts against them, but try and tell that to their subconscious! Victims may feel pain that is caused from their feelings of guilt and shame associate with the assault. Now maybe it is a stretch to call this self-forgiveness, and it is definitely terrible to think of a victim needing to forgive themselves, but let us just start there. Because what really needs to happen is the victim needs to let go of the situation which is causing them to feel guilt, shame, and pain. PTSD and other emotional problems can result from violent and abusive traumas. Forgiveness and love are powerful tools on the road to recovery.

Can we just start with forgiving our-self? Forgiveness for the feelings we have associated with the trauma that was inflicted upon us by another? Yes….let it go.  The guilt, the shame, the feelings of victim…..all these things that are causing us to stay in a victim mentality…..forgive our-self for them and learn to love our-self! A love so unconditional that we will rise like a phoenix out of the ashes that were once our suffering!

So lets start with us. Lets start the entire process with forgiving us our faults; whatever they may be! And accepting that we are not to blame for what happened to us. And even in cases where we have to accept a certain amount of responsibility, and there are some situations like that, we still need to love ourselves enough to say ” I am forgiven” and let it go.

And so how do we know if we have forgiven? If we have really let it go? That is easy! If it keeps coming up (in a negative way), if it keeps holding us back, if we continue to ruminate over it at times; then we have not let it go and we still have work to do! And that is OK! As long as we are conscious of the fact and willing to keep working at it!

Forgiveness will set US free! But it takes time and a powerful love for one’s self!