I am such a selfish person! I always had a dream of how life would be once my children grew up and had kids. It was just the four of us when they were growing up; so I (probably way more than they) had a deep attachment to them. See the selfishness comes in because I want my kids with me for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day . I want us all together when we wake up on Christmas Day.
Well that’s not realistic. I get that.
So I settled for early Christmas Day and then I get them all day. Well that doesn’t work either.
So I settled for noon thru the day so we could open presents and eat without rush. Well that didn’t work.
So now I take what I can get. And I AM grateful for whatever that is!! It is usually after 1 or 2 until early evening. And that is good.
But the selfish part of me mourned the loss. The loss of what was and what could have been.
The loss of my dreams.
I have my memories AND those are some precious Christmas memories. I was blessed to have way more time than I could have hoped for because my daughter and her family lived with us for many Christmas’ !!
So now I look at it as if God gave me more than most and regardless of whether I ever have it like that or like my dream again…. I have memories.
And now it’s time for me to stop fighting it and move into the new phase of my life. Our life. Being away these last two weeks (at Christmas) helped me to understand this. It’s time for me to embrace the changes.
That is what my writing career and my location move are all about. Embrace the changes. Be open to all God has in store for me/us. And I AM. It’s in His hands and always has been. It’s just about time that I truly let go and allow the blessings to flow- even if those blessings do not resemble my dream
They are still blessings. Heaped upon me in abundance that I will not turn my back on ❤️