I remember the person I was in 2008! I am not the same person today. I believe most people change, this is probably one reason for the high divorce rate; of course the other probably has a lot to do with the “instant gratification” world we live in, but I digress, this is not what I intend to write about today. I want to write about change.
Change is something that comes to us all, in one form or another, throughout our life. I guess it is true some change is good while other change, not so much. I remember who I was in 2008. I would say the change that has come to my life has been good, extremely good, yet challenging and hard.
It is true the person I was in 2008 is a shadow of the person I am today. That person was passionate (that has not changed) but she was also insecure and could at times be envious of others. She was also a person who fought a good fight in all the wrong ways.
This morning I had a thought; it was a thought about a situation that happened in 2008 involving a contractor that worked on a major project at our home. We spent many tens of thousands of dollars on a major remodel on our home, and this contractor, among other things, was a petulant child. He never once lived up to his side of the contract as far as work ethics went. He was late every day (except for the first week when he was on his best behavior!), usually arriving around 10-11am and leaving by 3:45 (because his kids were headed home) and he stopped construction to take a vacation that he never told us was on his schedule when we signed the contract. The contracted time frame was exceeded by months. He had a partner he worked with but apparently that person was not trusted enough to keep working. Due to his lack of ethics he enjoyed a nice vacation while me and my family had to modify our holiday because of construction not being completed. In the end the man complained bitterly to my husband that I sent him too many emails. And of course the emails were my way of keeping a document of the happenings of the situation. I was going to be ready if I ended up having to take this man to court for breach of contract and negligence.
In the end I let it all go just to get him out of our life! I believe we ended up getting a nominal amount of money returned as a token “FU…I Win” from him. And I left a bad and honest review for him on Angie’s list.
I am sure you are probably wondering why I am telling you this story. Well…when I was thinking about the situation this morning it didn’t cause me the anger and frustration that it has in the past. Usually when I remember this situation it would cause me to want to ruin this guy! I am sure some of you out there can identify with these feelings? They are very human feelings. But this morning when thinking back on the situation, I thought about the anger and pain I felt then, and even since, and I couldn’t get upset by it. It is not because I am tired of hanging onto it or anything like that; (although that is a darn good reason to let it go) it is because it is just not there anymore. I am a different person today than I was in 2008 or even last year.
I mean to say that the person I was back then, while attempting to be a just and fair person, was one that didn’t know how to fight her battles. Rather than trust in God to handle my situations at a certain point, I fought all the way! I took control, I didn’t want anyone’s help, I just took care of business. And that attitude caused me more grief than I can shake a stick at! I was a warrior, but I was not a spiritual warrior, and I believe that caused me to handle things in ways that I wouldn’t today. Mostly it is the attitude! Back then I wanted to search and destroy, today I choose my words wisely and I have a good attitude in the face of all situations good and bad. Because of this change in me, I can look back on less than great situations from the past and not be angry any longer, I can forgive and move on. And that is huge!
Look the way I see it is the people on the other side of our bad situations are in pain too! Is it not just so much easier to let go of the stuff that causes us pain and move on the best we can? If they want to stay stuck in the pain; that is their choice and we can’t stop them from that. But we have a choice to stay stuck or move on.
We as people change often. Sometimes it is from circumstance, sometimes it is from intentional personal growth; I fall in the latter category. While I am sure circumstances could have changed me over the years, I am not so sure it would have been good change if I had not been intentionally practicing gratitude, forgiveness, and unconditional love all these years. Because I made an intentional shift towards becoming a more gratitude filled person, my circumstances did not shape the person I have become! I intentionally became better despite my circumstances.
I remember 2008….it was a great year! I am not the same person I was then, I am better! We all have the ability to change….it just takes time!