No! I Will NOT Go Gentle Into The Night………..

do not go gentleI have 50% blockage of both my carotid arteries. I will not go gently into the night, I will rage and rage against the dying of the light and the inevitable walking into the eternal light.

Yes, I am being dramatic, but I am feeling a little dramatic right about now. This was completely unexpected so it has taken me by surprise and up until last night I guess I had not put too much thought into it. Ya know you get busy with your stay in the hospital and then the Dr appointments once you get out, so I had not taken a moment to consider what it all means. Well last night I took a moment and I will admit I got a bit scared. I felt really alone (which I know I am not) and I felt like I had just been told my dreams of living a long life had been ripped away from me!  And then I went to sleep.

When I awoke the first thing I told my husband was ” I will not go quietly into the night!”  He laughed!   But I am serious. The quote by Dylan Thomas says gentle, whatever…it won’t be gentle or quiet; that is not my style!  I am a fighter and it is time to fight.

Once I was alone this morning the first thing I thought was “it could be worse!”  50% is still, in some physicians minds, treatable with medication even though I had the TIA. Yes some of the medical community is of the opinion if you have 50% or better blockage and symptoms, TIA, you need surgery.  But I am making it my mission to figure out how to manage any HBP I may have and prevent any further blockage as well as reverse the blockage I already have!

So I will not be going gently or quietly, I will fight and I will put everything in His hands!  I will pay attention and make sure I am doing the right thing and if He tells me it is time for medication or surgery, then that is what I will do!  But for now I feel pretty confident that He is guiding me to fight this in the way that I am! So I will!  ❤

Prayer is appreciated!

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