It is at times, like yesterday, that I start to wonder if I am doing the right thing; am I on the right path? If it were just once, I would let it go, but this is every time, so now I am truly, no really, beginning to think I am not meant to write, that my dreams of wanting to inspire others is not what I’m supposed to be doing, at least not by writing.
The Road To Our Dreams
I know the road to our dreams is fraught with challenges! I’m not afraid to fight for it! Trust me when I say this is not a new thing! It is not that…I believe God sends us signs as to whether we are on the right track or not; and I fear that I am ignoring the clear signs. I am not going to get into the specifics here, because what I am not looking for is for anyone to do something (out of character) in hopes to make me feel better. I do not want that. I am just saying, I believe God sends us signs, I believe our gut will tell us if we are on the right path, but sometimes we want something so badly that we ignore the signs- if the signs are not telling us to go down the road we want to be on, the one we are presently walking, then we do not want to see the signs. And I’m afraid that is where I’m at now. I’m afraid I am stubbornly continuing to walk this path, thinking it is what I’m meant to do, and it is not! But I am too stuck in my dream (what I want) to see or hear clearly.
In HIS Time?
Understand I’ve written here since 2010! I’ve reached out in one way or another towards this goal since 2008. Am I one to believe God answers prayers? YES! And Do I believe goals are reached in a certain time frame? I mean to say…do I believe it is in HIS time and not mine? Absolutely I do! But as I said, I also believe God gives us signs, He leads us down the path we’re meant to be on, and I am wondering if I am missing the signs because of the clouds of my desire?
Some Things Are TOO Strange To Ignore!
I know I am being all mysterious this morning…..I don’t mean to be! I just don’t want to get any pats on the head telling me what I want to hear. If this is meant to be, it will be! I know that! But I guess I also know that sometimes I have to be hit over the head with a 2×4 to understand something. And I have two passions in life (3 if you count my family) and none of them are working out so well at the moment! Not because of my lack of trying! But when you chase something for so long and it gives you nothing back, and even seems like it wants to repel you, it gives you cause to stop and wonder. And when things make absolutely ZERO sense in the physical world; when you sit back and feel astonished at the level of strangeness attached to certain areas of your life, areas as in your dreams…well it certainly makes you think!
And So It Goes……..
I guess I will spend today in quiet meditation and pray I hear what I need to hear. I have faith that it will work out.
But I can’t play the martyr, I won’t, I feel I have in the past and it doesn’t work out for anyone. It doesn’t matter if it is family, friends, or business (dreams) sometimes it really is OK to walk away. All we can hope is that the new road is the right one. And so it goes……………..