Yesterday I was asked if there was anyone in my life with whom I have had trouble or who I am in conflict with at this time. I said…”no”. I search my heart and soul daily for any transgressions I may have caused or for transgressions I feel were caused by others. So I said with confidence ” I have no conflicts; I am good!”
And that would be a great ending to a story which hasn’t even got started…but it is not the ending; here is the beginning.
Last year, almost to this date, I had a huge conflict in my life. In my eyes this conflict was life changing. And I had no idea if I would recover the relationship; ever. The first thing I knew, after about a week, was that I was being tested. I knew this deep within my soul as if the angels whispered it in my ear. So I held on. Life did not get easier, life was filled with unbelievable challenges as I tried to bridge this huge, no, gigantic gap that this person had created in our relationship! And I continued to hang on. As the months passed I learned another thing, I wasn’t going to get any answers that satisfied my questions. Was that acceptable?
I now realize this was the second time in as many years that this has happened to me. Now granted the one from two years ago was nothing compared to this….but it had the same repercussions as this one in so much as I was never going to get any answers to the “why” of it all.
Again…was this acceptable to me? Could I survive and stay in this relationship?
Yesterday may have been my AHA moment of the year! When I was asked this question I really felt it was a true and honest answer that I gave, But as we talked I realized I did, I do, have an ongoing conflict in my life! I guess I had gotten used to it all. But when I started thinking about it I realized, lately, I have thought it is time to let go of this anger, resentment, and my need to know why. My need to know why always keeps me stuck in anger or hurt (fear) for a lot longer than I should be.
So what was the real lesson here? Forgiveness or learning to “let go?” I think I have the forgiveness down..otherwise I would probably have left the relationship last year after this happened. I believe I am practicing unconditional love and I feel good about that. But my lesson, my big lesson here is the letting go. That is what I needed to learn more than anything. The forgiveness was a validation that I have grown; I am who I claim to be. I can walk my talk!
Ahhhhh…but the letting go! I know how to let go….I just wasn’t ready to do it.
And God has told me that the letting go is the only block standing in my way today! The block that is keeping me from realizing exactly who I am and what I can do and will do in this world.
Bottom line here is that the thought of living to my full potential far outweighs any need for answers or any resentment, anger, grudge, etc…….
So this is ME…letting it go!