Forgiveness ….does it mean “what he/she did was OK?”

ebbandflowToday I was talking with a good friend; someone who I know has experienced great difficulties ( and overcame them too! But that is another story) .  We were discussing forgiveness. A subject I write about often.

We were talking about how people can get hung up on the thought that by forgiving someone; it could be seen (by others and the transgressor himself) as us saying “what you did was OK!” Or “not a big deal!”   And if we are able to move past the transgression, and maybe even once again resume a normal life with that person (if indeed it gets to that point) then we fear others may see it as we are saying ” what that person did to me was no big deal” .  I know from my research these are both reasons why some people find it hard to forgive OR to resume a relationship with someone after forgiving.

The fact is though that neither has to be true; and most usually isn’t.. (there may be someone out there narcissistic enough to believe forgiveness means; what they did was not a big deal!  But I have never met that person)

But beyond that, letting the feelings of others dictate how we will or will not behave is not living an authentic life. Not being true to you.  How can we get past anything in life, and learn to grow or be happy, if we are living our life worried about what other people will think of us; if we forgive too soon, or too easily, or have a relationship again…… whatever!

We need to forgive for US! If we can manage to do that with ease or quickly OR however we manage to do it; then we just need to do it!  We can’t let what other people think stop us from enjoying the benefits of forgiving and then moving past it. Do not let the size of the transgression dictate whether we should be able to forgive; nothing is too small or too big for God. We Just need to do what we are capable of doing and know that the forgiveness is a gift to our self! And that has nothing to do with anybody else.  If we can extend that gift to include the transgressor then more power to US!

 

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2 thoughts on “Forgiveness ….does it mean “what he/she did was OK?”

  1. Many people miss this message of forgiveness. Why torture your physical and mental body by holding negative feelings? As you say, you release for yourself, and then let the other person deal with their own drama.

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