Step Back………But Not Out!



Today I write about a “friends” perception of……..friendship!

I watch people, I like to watch people, I’m always amazed at how offended one can get when the truth is brought to their attention. The truth about what type of friend they are. This truth is not brought about by confrontation, rather it is brought about by another friend taking a step back from what they consider a less than balanced relationship; and the first friend noticing the “step back”.

In this particular scenario we have two friends; you (one friend) spend time nurturing your relationship with the other person or “friend”, why? Because you care about this person, you feel they are your friend and as such you cultivate a friendship. The word friendship may be defined in many ways by many people, and have varying degrees of relationship…. but I think we can all agree that when you get down to it, a friend in the broad sense, is someone with whom you share a relationship on some level.  That is about as basic a description as you can get. 🙂

What if after months or even years you seem to be the only one in the relationship who calls, writes, or seems to care about the other and you finally decide it is time to let go of the “friendship”.  is that OK?  YES.  BUT….and here is the rub …..when you do stop texting, calling, whatever….. the other person may get upset and declare you a bad friend!  It is their perception that you are being difficult, or whatever the case may be, and they get extremely offended that you are so unreasonable.

I have to say I see this a lot! So much so that I have arrived at this conclusion; when it comes to people we have to know when to take a step back and give them their space (without making any public declarations)  and be ready for anything!  And when and if they declare us as being a “bad” friend for not communicating (even though they NEVER replied to us) we have to be big enough to know this is just one of their weaknesses (character flaws??) and let it go! Move on. And I don’t mean move on out of their life. That is not necessary! Unless they are abusive, which is not what I am talking about here, there is no reason to banish people from our lives; just because they do not fit our mold of how a friend should communicate! We have to love people enough to not let this bother us. Have no expectations and you will never be disappointed!

I used to be of the mind that it was best to move on and forget these types of “friends”.  Now I am of the mind that all we can do is love people for who they are, faults and all, and if we truly do come from a place of love we can stop texting, calling, and chasing (nothing wrong with that!)  Then when they come around wondering why we are no longer “chasing” after their friendship (why we are such a bad friend)…..just love them enough to look beyond it and say ” I didn’t realize this was happening…of course I would love to meet for coffee!” and let it go.

I do not think we should ever lose a friendship or a “friendship” because of someones lack of consideration and nurturing. I do think we should not chase after them; because that will do nothing for our self-esteem!  What we need to do is after a while let it go and let them work on it; let them miss you. IF it is meant to be they will come to you; and yes they will more than likely say you are the neglectful friend….it is human nature to blame and wear blinders. We do not need to care about all that….just enjoy what time we have with each person we know….when they allow us to!  And again…..lose the expectations!  😉

Just because we are willing to do so much for others, does not mean they will do the same. We can’t expect others to be US.  Get over it. Love them anyway……

And don’t sweat the small stuff! If this is the worst of it…..then count our blessings! 😉

4 thoughts on “Step Back………But Not Out!

  1. I agree. We need to continue loving people even if they don’t return our love. I’ve always tried to be a good and honest friend, then been accused by some that I don’t care about them and am not treating them very well. I’ve learned to distance myself from people who are so self-centered that they really can’t be helped. I pray for them and then when I run into them again, I’m always friendly.


    • And in my book that is perfect! We must care for ourselves but always love others. :). Balance.
      Thank you for the comments. I always love reading your perspective!


  2. This is a tough call, but I agree. I am in the “separation” phase of a friendship. I have been the one to call, drop by, and arrange things for 25 years. I stopped calling, and I know she is blaming me, but I feel that if I am important as a friend she will call me…if not…I will maintain compassion and love for her…at a distance.


    • Good for you! I know…. It is hard. But I commend you for continuing to love her.
      So many of us just “need” to walks way entirely …. Not judging, like I said…. It is hard!
      Thank you for the comment!


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