It has been 5 days since I have been here! I can’t remember the last time I stayed away that long! While a lot has happened in the last 5 days…no, the last 11 days, and I have been elsewhere as far as my mind goes, I need to acknowledge a promise I made to be here and to be real. So I apologize for being gone so long! It is unlike me and feels entirely inauthentic! OK…enough apologizing! On with a post!
So my life is all about ebbing and flowing like a tide these days; one minute I am working towards my career goals and the next I get plunged back into the realities of my home life. Such is the existence of a person who is going through “stuff”. We all go through stuff at one time or another, that is what life is all about. But of course, as I have said many times before, it is not the stuff that counts as much as the way we handle it.
I am going to say that I have shocked myself on that front with this entire situation! As well as shocking some of the people I share things with; my inner circle. It is nothing all that dramatic; just me dealing with things as best I can. But I have the ability to continue on no matter what. I am able to get a life altering shock and within 30 minutes be sitting in a meeting with no sign of a problem. I could never have done that 5-10 years ago! And I am not a cold person. I don’t know if you can tell from my writing or not ((GRIN)) but I am a rather emotional person!! So having this ability to soldier on in the face of life altering situations is a God-given gift; one that I did not have a few years ago. And for that I am grateful.
Because of this ability I tend to ebb and flow a lot! Sometimes I feel like I live alternate lives! But it is all good. I am grateful for my ability to keep a level head and push through what I need to push through.
But the dark times blindside me…..out of nowhere they sneak up. It can be while watching tv or while sleeping. I can just look at someone and there it is. I never know when it will hit and I never know how I will react. But I remember that my reaction really is in my control. And it is. And I do, at times, decide to forget that and succumb to the pain and heartache. I am human. We all have to be authentic to who we are in the moment. We can not and should not ignore our vulnerable side! There is nothing weak about being hurt or angry…we need to grieve all loss and that means dealing with, experiencing emotions we may not like. But process them and they too will leave…they will become a distant memory!
I do hope you all will bear with me while I continue down this road! I know my writing can be a bit random and maybe confusing to read. These are my thoughts as I am processing them….I promised to take you on this journey of life and discovery…..this is the detour we have going on at the moment!
Hope you can still enjoy the trip……(enjoy?? maybe there is a better word?)