I often write about the power of forgiveness. I also write about the power of love. I wonder if some people really know what it means to forgive another person. I think many people believe it is only about the words ” I forgive you” but it is so much more than that. When I speak of forgiveness I am really talking about serious issues of wrong doing, not really speaking of the friend who treated you badly or the time your husband didn’t remember your birthday. No, I am referring to much deeper issues, usually to do with a family member or someone with authority who abused that, or tragic violations of our body or our trust.
To get to this type of forgiveness we have to wade through a lot of feelings, a lot of emotion; sometimes beginning with the often overlooked denial. So what does denial have to do with forgiveness? I guess for some people it may not have anything to do with anything……but for some ( many) we are in denial of the fact that we even need to forgive. If we haven’t gone through the shame, guilt, anger, and so on, then we probably haven’t really dealt with the issue. For true freeing forgiveness we have to deal with the muck! I am not talking about just saying the words ” I forgive you” ! There are people out there who do not want to do the hard work! Sometimes those words are nothing more than that…..words. We have taken the problem and buried it deep, truly thinking that we have forgiven! We said “I have forgiven so and so…really I have.” But we haven’t. And it shows in our inability to move through life without the patterns that pop up or the walls that are blocking us or the weight that we just can’t lose! Or the many other things that keep us from living our best life yet.
Why do I know this? Because I live this. I know because I have been unable to forgive, although I truly thought I had!! I have been in the position of needing to face that I had not forgiven! Even though I met all the criteria of having already forgiven;
1. I didn’t think about the problem or the person with anger or sadness,
2. I was able to talk about the issue and the person without becoming upset.
3. I was able to feel love for the person who had wronged me!
4. I said the words…….. ” I forgive you!”
I knew I had forgiven. But if I had forgiven, why was I still stuck? Why after all of that wasn’t I able to reach my ultimate dreams? They were there…… I could see them, I could see I was getting closer, but they always seemed to be just out of my reach! Why? Deep,deep,denial!
So yes, I understand how this works. I know that you think you have forgiven. I know you know if I am talking to you. I know that there is work to be done. And I know how to get there. Now I know!
If you have forgiven you will move on up into pure desire and love and you will be free.
There is so much muck before we get there though………