What Does Church Mean To You?

Do not answer this question until you have searched your soul for the answer.

That is what I did 5 years ago and the answer that I came up with was startling for me and my family.

I had a Soul awakening back in 2007 that would ultimately change the course of my life. I struggled for a few years about what I was doing, what the meaning of my life was and where I am headed. And I seriously questioned the vehicle by which I was going to get there!  I did Not question my faith but my religion. My faith may have felt like it was being questioned, even by me, but what I now know is that my faith was never the problem….it was where I chose and how I chose to grow as a Christian. That was where my problem lay.

When I took a long hard look and a forced break from my choice of religious institution, I was forced to make some hard realizations! First and foremost was that my church provided me with wonderful Christian fellowship, but not much else, not like it once did. Could this have been my problem? Of course! That is the point! I was having a crisis, not of faith but of religion. I  found that my church, for me, was a place to go and make friends and attend social events. All the while doing it in the name of God.

Yes there were ways for me to grow within my church but I felt the emphasis, for me and some others, was who we knew and what events were we involved in. Not only so that we could help others, yes that was the intent, but so that we could be a part of the Clique.

Now do not get me wrong, it is a church and therefore scripture was, is, taught every week.

I guess the bottom line for me was that as nice as it was to be a part of this big body of Christ, I was not being feed as I felt that I should be.  There was no further growth for me after my initial spurt of growth in the beginning. I was stunted.  Others will say that I had a crisis of faith and I respect their opinion, but I must respectfully say that this opinion is incorrect. What I realized was that I was growing by leaps and bounds spiritually without the help of the church. And the politics of the church was actually getting in the way of my “feel good” every Sunday when I did choose to attend.

For several years I continued to attend my church, before going I would read my bible and meditate. I would prayerfully ask God to help me be a blessing to someone today and for me to see the blessings around me as I sat in church. I did this for a couple of years……but it drained me. I just was not being fed. Yes, there was teaching going on…..in the end I respectfully had to admit, to myself, that I was in a different place than my fellow church goers or the ministers. I would be extremely excited when a Sunday would come and I would actually leave church having felt like they touched on something that could feed my soul! Yes, it happened on one or two occasions! And I loved it…this is what keeps me going back. I do not attend often, my husband attends almost weekly, I attend about once a month.  Today I asked my husband if he gets “fed” by the services and if not then why does he go? And if so then I would love for him to talk to me about it and explain how it makes him feel. I want to know what moves my husband’s soul. I am not saying that I will go back because my husband is moved spiritually by the services at our church, but I am saying that it will do my soul good to know that his soul’s  being fed each week and he is not just going because it is there.

I do not think we should attend church just because it is there. We need to attend church because it feeds our soul, connects us to God, and  surrounds us with fellow Christians who strive to live a Christ like life.

If you are not being fed then you need to find a new vehicle for continued movement towards God.

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.~ Helen Keller   ( Ennui- boredom)

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