Soul In Despair? What’s in a Name….

***A day in my life……remember…I’m searching for my Soul’s Purpose***

I am having a minor crisis….soul searching….soul wrenching….this is no secret!

The other day I am driving down the interstate and the radio starts playing several songs that mean a lot to me…the OLD me. The ME I have been missing..the ME that I lost and did not even know I had lost. Get that? I lost me….but did not know it. I am sure you can relate…even if it is not part of your story….you can relate to the depth of what I am saying. Right?

So I am driving down the interstate feeling very reckless…alone…and well….reckless, it has been YEARS since I’ve had the confidence to step out and be ME. I am driving and really do not know what the hell is happening to me, all I know is that I am spinning out of control. And these songs, one after the other, come on the radio….I believe in signs, I might as well put it out there. I am a very spiritual person and YES….there is no such thing as coincidence! These songs were signs…all songs from my past, one after the other, that meant something, in a big way to my OLD life;to the person who was brimming with confidence and spice in life. Not even a shadow of that person has been around in years.

I cannot believe what I am hearing….and then the la goutte d’eau….a song by Enigma that just should not even be playing on the station that I am listening to but there it was! This song has BIG meaning to my life…before. Let’s just say that it represented, in a HUGE way, the confidence that I had in my past life.  Wow…..Now I am saying what the F*** is happening here?! Song after song….speaking to me directly about my old self.

At the point before the songs started playing…did I say they played one after the other?? At that point I do not even know what is happening with me, I think I am in a rut, I’m bored, things will iron themselves out. Once I hear the songs it is like….. WHOA!!!!! No way! God is speaking to me in a huge way that I am lost! Everything I touch turns to crap and I want it to turn to GOLD..who doesn’t? I realize that if I want to be the person that I need to be in this life and reach all my goals then I need to embrace the person I buried long ago. And that is a scary thought because I am not sure I can do that in my current situation. But I know now regardless of the situation that I am in….I  cannot get there..to the future..the incredible future…. until I get back to where I was.

Once I figured this out I have to tell you I just wanted to drive and never turn back….never..ever…. but I have family and I cannot do that. Wow…how I wanted to.

Anyhoo……I went and did some things that needed to be done and then I got back in the car and a song was playing, now this song had no direct significance to my old life…my old self confidant self….but the words blew me away! Because they were all about being in the wrong situation at the wrong time! Oh my!

The song was “Roll to Me” the chorus of the song where I got the name for this site is as follows…..

“I don’t think I have ever seen a soul so in despair, so if you want to talk the night through…guess who will be there?”

And then Green Day’s “Good Riddance” came on! Oh my…here we go again!

“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life. ”

The time of your life? Are you kidding me??? I am having the complete opposite of the time of my life!!! SLAP…LOL

Need I say more?

Ok..well maybe I should but that will have to wait till my next post! LOL

 

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